6.25.2008

All about traditional

My friend invited me to his wedding slated for the 22nd. Weddings can be very drab events to go to, especially when in the awkward college age with being too old for one crowd, too young for another. For anyone in the local area, the wedding took place on River Farm in Alexandria, Virginia. River Farm is actually a horticulture place filled with gardens and a great view of the river. Apparently, many couples have their weddings here during the warmer seasons for its scenic value. I dedicated most of my time to helping set up and feeling useful, leaving very little room for a full detailed exploration of the property. Lucky for me, this wedding offered me something far different from the traditional wedding scene. I received an invitation for a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony. I kept a handout given to me just prior to the ritual. The little purple booklet detailed the series of events with explanations and interpretation of the symbols. The process fascinated me. Rather than simply paraphrase, I typed out some of the steps to the ritual with a few notes concerning the crowd or any relevant details. My confession must be stated that I sat in the back row and could see little of the movements.
Before the ceremony even begins, a group of people, typically close family, separates from the crowd to a small room in the River Farm's main house. They all go to act as witnesses of the Ketubah, a wedding contract. “The Ketubah dating back almost 2,000 years, was one of the first legal documents giving financial and legal rights to women. Today, the [couple believes] the Ketubah symbolizes their commitment to love and honor one another.” The legal binding acts as a strong mortar of dedication that digs deeper at loyalty. This loyalty taps, in my mind, a sense of love that makes allowances for days when the couple may get angry or frustrated. Perhaps simply stated as, love that makes allowance for anger and mistakes?
“Immediately following the signing of the Ketubah by the bridge and groom comes the Bedeken. The Bedeken is a ritual based upon a tradition that requires the groom see the bride before the ceremony and cover her face with the veil.” One of the Patriarchs had been deceived by the father of his bride, marrying the older sister, Leah, instead of his chosen bride, Rachel. This came across as an inspection goods, but because the veil is placed on her is also a sign of protection. Take the time to look up the biblical episode concerning this tradition. Seeing the roots to all of these symbols can be a humorous process, particularly at marrying the wrong girl.
The bride hired a jazz duo to play the wedding processional which signaled the wedding party into action as they walked down the aisle. I had never considered the order of entrance important, but what is the symbolism of the man waiting at the altar for the woman? The party circled around the Chuppah, the Jewish marriage canopy. The Chuppah represents the “first home together and is understood as a sign of God's presence at the wedding.” The open tent invites all friends and family to share in this new home being created. The rabbi explained that this “home” took its foundation in love but should be viewed as the beginnings of the actual home rather than an image of the perfect home. I didn't get a good understanding of this myself. Since most couples getting married have no clue what the future looks like, the love can burn out when trouble hits. So, although love is the basis, time and dedication play a pivotal role.
Everyone took their place around the Chuppah with the bride, groom and rabbi underneath the tent. From here the rabbi helps to explain different points of the ceremony. At times she sounded a little less than sure, but I was again sitting far away and dealing with the sun in my eyes. The bride circled the groom, “seven times, representing the binding together of the bride and groom and the bride's protection of the household.” The number seven plays a fairly large role in most circles of religion and comes up multiple times in the Jewish faith. The sheet mentions the days of creation, but there are numerous examples in the Bible. The seven circles points to an act found later in the wedding called the Seven Blessings. The couple added the interpretation of creating a new family circle with the establishment of space they will be sharing.
The next segments became slightly muddled due to a language barrier. “Erusin, the ancient betrothal ceremony, includes two blessings and the ring ceremony, and is followed by the reading of the Ketubah.” The rabbi gave a cup of wine for the newly wed couple to share, concluding the first part of the ceremony. The ring ceremony pops up at every wedding, regardless of religious background. It makes me wonder where it actually came from. What group has ownership of the ring ceremony? At least the Jewish tradition changes the location of the rings to the right index finger, which is believed to be connected to “an artery that goes directly to the heart, and so the couple's hearts are joined.” The rabbi added that it is the finger that they would point to each other with. However, pointing also can be seen as an accusation. The interpretation, I am sure, has been brought up before but seems shaky. The reading of the Sheva B'rachot (seven blessings) is where the language issue really bothered me. This ceremony “reflects the themes of creation, joy, and the bride and groom.” The rabbi actually sang for all the readings, but the Jewish crowd would sing along or have a low reply. I wished I could understand exactly what she was singing.
The groom concluded the ceremony by shattering a glass. The shattering interested me the greatest. Even the word gives a sense of not just a gentle falling apart but a chaotic ripping in twain. The rabbi reminded all of us that it is important to realize how fragile things truly are, even in moments of extreme joy. The couple was to remember that fragile things will break, but it is what they do after the breaking and chaos that would make the difference. I wanted to talk to the rabbi about it in further detail. I had never seen a wedding that forced the newly weds to understand the difficulties of such a blessing.
A traditional wedding would lead right into the reception with guests practically crawling all over the bride and groom. The Jewish traditions give the newly weds a short time to breath and come to grips with the just passed ceremony. “The complete seclusion of the couple in a closed room is a public act symbolizing their new status as husband and wife. Yichud (the seclusion) provides a period of respite for the newly married couple, an interval of tranquility for them to enjoy together in total solitude to express their love and joy for each other in a personal setting.” Any couple would love to have this as an addition to the wedding, rather than be swept away in festivities immediately. And who can forget the wedding feast?! I absolutely loved “getting down” to traditional Jewish music and dancing with everyone. It took away the awkward feeling of coming without a date that typically accompanies the average wedding. At some point the men slide two chairs into the circle and sit the new couple down. They life the chairs and begin to bop up and down to the beat of the music as everyone claps. People are just all smiles! I had to leave early on in the feast, but at least got a good taste at the action. Give it a chance and enjoy the mitzvah!

No comments: